A Farmer's Wife Talks Wardrobe Staples. With Hallway Selfies. Because #blogger.

Hey everyone!  Happy Friday!  I hope your week is going well.  It was the first week of summer break around here, so we are feeling laid back/absolutely insane :)

Writing this post was so humbling to me.  I have a hard time believing that anyone would ever want to hear a farmer's wife with five kiddos talk about fashion and clothes, but I have gotten a ton of questions about it, so I am just going to plunge in, and I hope you will give me a ton of grace along the way!  I do totally understand how hard it is to find your personal style, especially after you have a baby.  I feel like I went through years of being pregnant, then still nursing, over my normal weight, pregnant again.....it makes it so tricky to dress yourself well!

For me, the simplest way to always feel well-dressed is to make sure I have great versions of certain staple basics.  It shouldn't feel hard to pull together an appropriate outfit for most days.  In order to make that happen, you have to be prepared and buy what you will need before you go to get dressed.

I am assuming here that if you need work clothes, you already have a good handle on how to dress appropriately for your office, so we're going to talk about weekend/everyday clothes today!

Here are my summer staple pieces, with some extra random tips: (These pictures.  You guys.  It is awful.  I am cringing.  I don't know how fashion bloggers do it everyday).

High Quality TShirt

• Pick several in the best shape for you (vneck, crew neck, scoop neck)  Not sure which is best for your shape? Try on all three, and take a quick picture. Taking pictures of myself in clothes has helped me clarify my choices so much lately.  It just becomes more obvious which looks best.  Still stumped?  Text the pictures to your sister or a good friend to get feedback.
• Higher quality brands hold their shape better and look better after many washes.  Sad but true. After many many many rounds of cheap Target and Old Navy purchases, I finally admitted this to myself last year, and my outfits look better as a result.
• two favorite brands: Caslon U-Neck T, and Gap Favorite VNeck

Caslon UNeck (Trunk Club), Paige Premium Crops (Trunk Club), Saltwater Sandals (Trunk Club)

Great Jeans

Every woman needs a jean wardrobe.  Let's be honest, these are the pants most of us wear more than any other.  You don't need tons of jeans, you just need a few really good pairs.  I would rather have one excellent pair in each shape than a ton of meh choices.  These are my all-the-time wears:

crops.  

I wear these in the summer with sandals, or in the winter with ankle booties.

dress jeans.  

Find the shape that works for you.  I like mine to be dark petite flares, but I know tons of people who look great in trouser jeans or wide leg.  I have mine hemmed to wear with heels, not flats.

AG Petite Flares, Halogen Double V Shell, Rebecca Minkoff fringe clutch, Louis Et Cie floral heels, Kate Spade Drop Earrings (all Trunk Club but the earrings)

leggings.  

As much as I resisted a few years ago, these are a staple, especially for tall boots in the winter.  I always buy mine cropped, because they fit better under boots without bunching, and then I also occasionally wear them during the summer with a flowy top.  I think you can get away with cheaper brands for leggings, as long as you are wearing longer tops.

everyday jeans.  

In whatever style you would wear the most.  Boot cut, straight, distressed, boyfriend-what looks best with your shape?

white jeans.  

Total summer staple.  I always buy them one size up because white jeans can really accentuate any problem areas you may have.  Also, double check to make sure they are made of thick enough material that you can't see the pocket lining in the front, and anything else in the back.  There are a lot of poorly made white jeans out there.  My go-to brand for white jeans is AG (and I actually had an amazing pair from the Loft that were not see through at all, but that was a few years back and I haven't tried this season's yet).

Blouses

This would be your 2016 version of the "going out" shirt.  (Go read this piece of nostalgia my friend Gwen sent us).  :)  So these are nicer quality tops that you can wear with jeans, or dress up with a skirt or other pants.  As an adult (as opposed to when we were in college and these definitely should not have done double duty), most of these should be okay at something like church (maybe with a sweater) or a baby shower, and also fun for drinks with girlfriends.

basics.  

Several sleeveless style tops in different fabrics that could be worn under a blazer, or alone.  You should be able to wear these over and over, changing how they look with accessories.  Once I find a style that works for me, I slowly pick it up in multiple colors.   I really get a ton of use out of the Halogen Vneck Shell (in white, black, blush, and one pattern).  I also own several colors of the Pleione Mixed Media Vneck Tunic, and my one true love lately is the Joie Iva Top.

Halogen Double VNeck (Trunk Club), Anthropologie Linen Pants, Stella and Dot earrings

Pleione Mixed Media Tunic (Trunk Club), White AG petite flares (Trunk Club), Kate Spade statement heels (eBay)

statement or patterned.  

Try to pick up a few less basic choices.  These will be harder to wear to the same places over and over, because they are meant to make a statement, but they make your wardrobe more fun and more you.  This can be a good place to try trends and buy less expensive pieces.

Maeve Balloons Blouse (Anthropologie, via Buy-Sell-Swap group), AG Petite Flares (Trunk Club), Louis Et Cie floral heels (Trunk Club), red statement necklace (Stella and Dot)

Dresses and Skirts

Truth time.  Many, many of us look far better in a skirt than in shorts.  I know.  It feels too fussy.  But next time you are out in public, look around.  Shorts often reveal parts and problems that most of us would rather hide-even on someone who is in great shape.  Alternatively, a skirt of the right style can be equally comfortable (even more comfortable sometimes), and hide a multitude of flaws.  Someone in a skirt and tshirt and sandals looks put together, while that same outfit with shorts can look sloppy.  Casual skirts are really easy to pick up inexpensively either at a consignment store, or at Target or Old Navy. I wear a skirt instead of shorts as often as possible during the summer.  As long as the length is right, it doesn't make it any harder to chase and play with the kiddos!

By that same token, so many women look fantastic in casual dresses.  The key is finding a fit that flatters you, and that you are comfortable wearing.  You can find tons of styles at the usual suspects, Target, Loft, Gap.  But also try more expensive options, like Anthropologie and Nordstrom.  I take note of which brands fit me well, and then I hunt for them used on Buy-Sale-Swap sites (I belong to an insane Anthro FB site, let me know if you want to be added), or eBay.  I wear casual dresses at home and out all summer long.

Consignment (Twice As Nice), no tag

Anthropologie (eBay)

Limited, several years ago

Dressier Pants and Shorts

See my note about shorts above, but I do like to keep at least three styles of shorts around: jeans, statement, and basic.

jean shorts.

Jean shorts in a good length for your shape (how do you figure that out?  For most women, a length right below the widest part of your leg looks the best.  That will be different on each of us.  If you are in your 30s like I am, I think 4 inches or longer tends be a safer bet than the 2 inch length.)  If you only have one pair of jean shorts on rotation, I like them to be darker wash.  I picked up these Joe's during a Nordstrom sale earlier this spring.  My best tip about shorts is to try them in a size larger than you wear in jeans.  They just seem to look best that way.

Joe's shorts (Trunk Club)

statement shorts.

Statement shorts should be interesting in some way-pattern, shape, or fabric.  My current favorite are striped sailor shorts from Loft.

basic shorts.

For my third style of shorts, I like a navy cotton or linen pair.  Navy goes with just above everything else, and it isn't as blah as khakis.  It can also look dressed up with a pair of wedges and a cuter top, if you wanted.

dressier pants.

For dressier summer pants, consider wide-leg linen (which I have worn over and over), or something on trend, like black joggers.

Statement blouse (Fluegel's), black joggers (Loft), nude heels (Trunk Club), Stella and Dot earrings

Proper Foundation Garments

I know.  But seriously.  Nothing looks good if your bra doesn't fit and you have VPL, and everything looks better if you have your parts tucked in and smoothed out.  Step 1: go get a professional bra fitting, even if you have gone before.  Not at Victoria's Secret, bless their hearts.  Those 18 year olds are not professionals.  Nordstrom and Soma are two larger stores that do it for free.  I went again last year, and lo and behold, I was a very different size than I had been wearing.  This is something you should do every few years, especially after a big body change like pregnancy, weight loss, nursing, aging....If you can only restock a little at a time, it is helpful to have a nude (not white) tshirt bra for everyday, a convertible or racer back, something sexy, and a strapless or stick-on bra for backless and strappy tops.

Next, go through your lingerie drawer and toss all your ill-fitting or cheap bottoms, and replace them with high quality choices.  You will feel SO much better after you do it, and your clothes will look better.  Two brands I find are worth the money are Hanky Panky and Commando (you can get both from Nordstrom).

Other foundation garments that I find a necessity are body shapers, like Spanx.  If you have never had a cause to consider them before, don't let embarrassment stop you from picking some up.  Trust me, most people who look well-put together, no matter how thin they are, find a use for body smoothers.  They leave no lines under clothes, and they help you feel pulled in.  I wear a tank style under many shirts, and either high waist bike shorts or full body styles under many dresses.  This is not about looking thin, I promise!  It is really about helping clothes hang better.

Athletic Clothes, Bathing Suits, Coverups

Not going to spend a lot of time on this, but here are my must haves:

• black capri workout pants (champion brand at Target are consistently high-quality)
• tank style top
• excellent sports bra
• long sleeve workout top
• running skirt
• smartwool socks for running

Lululemon is my all-time favorite for workout gear, except pants.  Their tops and running skirts are super high-quality.  I have washed mine a million times, and they still look great.  It is worth the money.  Their pants, on the other hand, tend to be see-through now.  Go into the dressing room and bend over to find out if the pair you are trying has that problem.

Bathing suits: again, toss all your suits that are old, too small, or from before baby.  Even if you fit into them again, there is a good chance they won't look the same.  There are SO many cute suits out there, including one pieces!  Check Miracle Suit and Magic Suit brand for some suck-it-properties along with the cuteness factor.  Rash guards are also really trendy right now, and they are a mama's dream: they cover all your parts while you are active with the kids!  No more accidental flashing thanks to a grabby toddler at the neighborhood pool.

Accessories

This is my all-time favorite style secret: most of the clothes I wear are very, very basic.  But if you pair it with interesting accessories, nobody ever notices!  I very rarely buy tiny and delicate jewelry, for this exact reason.  Most of my collection is either statement necklaces or earrings.

My favorites come from Stella and Dot, because they are so versatile.  (I have nothing to do with SD, I just love their jewelry).  The great thing about their pieces is that many can be taken apart and worn in several different ways.  The jewelry I get the most compliments on and wear the most often is SD.  I do have a friend with a booming SD business who is running a specials group for me right now, so if you want to shop with that deal, you can find that here, or message me and I will add you to the FB group she created for us.

Kate Spade Drop Earrings (gift from my awesome Arbonne team)

Stella and Dot Totem Tassel Chandeliers (these can be worn 4 different ways, and I LOVE them)

Stella and Dot favorites.  I tried to show pieces that come apart to be worn in different ways.  Clockwise from the white necklace at the top: Havana Pendant (versatile-can be worn four ways), red necklace is old but Bliss Statement Necklace is close, Utopia Statement Necklace (6 in 1), Pegasus Necklace, Zinna Split Ring, Totem Tassel Earrings (4 in 1, plus get at 50% with purchase in May), Aida Chandelier Earrings (4 in 1) Nancy Studs in green and gold (on sale!), Signature Engraveable Necklace, Pave Ear Jackets.  Phew.  I really love SD.  Obviously.  And I've never even had a party until this week.

Another great way to find inexpensive statement jewelry is to search "statement necklaces under $10" on Amazon and Etsy.  The pieces you find will often come from Hong Kong (so you have to decide if that is for you or not), but I have had great luck finding fun things that way too!

Shoes and Bags

After many hours spent with InStyle and US Weekly in college (ha!  Seriously though), I came to the conclusion that you can wear just about any sloppy outfit you want, as long as your shoes and bag and sunglasses are beautiful.  A good bag and shoes make any outfit look better than it is. (On the flip side, a cheap-looking bag can ruin an outfit).  And the best part is...great bags don't even need to be expensive.  Don't get me wrong, often an expensive bag is costly for a reason, like the quality of leather and the stitching are much better,  But if you are careful, you can get a quality looking canvas or vegan leather purse for not much.  On the pricey side, Marc Jacobs and Tory Burch are my favorites.  On a more frugal budget, check out Madewell's Transport Tote or Sole Society bags.  Both are really well-made.

As for shoes, in the summer, a well-rounded shoe wardrobe needs:

A neutral sandal.  Nude or metallic sandals help lengthen the appearance of the leg in shorts, skirts, and dresses, and they go with everything.

A statement sandal.  If you already have neutral sandals, don't let yourself buy another pair.  Instead, choose something more interesting!  I am partial to red Saltwaters.  They are flat and comfortable, but they elevate a boring outfit.

A wedge.  Wedges are great because they easily walk the line (pun intended) between casual and dressy.  I also use mine to be able to wear my dressy jeans with more casual tops during the day.

A nude heel.  Nude heels are the one dressier summer shoe that you can wear with anything, from cocktail dresses to weddings to jeans.  

A statement heel.  My Nordstrom stylist Whitney picked up those floral heels (above) for me earlier this spring, and I have gotten a surprising amount of wear out of them already.  If your outfit needs a little pop, statement shoes are such a simple way to do that!

Geesh.  Apparently I had a lot to say about clothes.  I hope that was a helpful basics tutorial!  I am the last person on earth that most people would consider a fashion expert, but I have gotten more skilled at editing my choices to reflect my body shape and style in the last few years.

Honestly, one of the ways I have done that is with help from a stylist.  Nordstrom offers free styling, in stores, and online.  I use Whitney Roberts, through Trunk Club (referral link, because I really want to support Whitney and help her get her new business off the ground!  She has been so helpful to me.  She even sent me a handwritten thank you note for sending her a referral.  Who does that anymore?!  Such great customer service!).  Trunk Club is a great free styling service that hunts down specific pieces or helps you define your personal style.  No subscription fee, no monthly boxes, none of that.  Just one stylist who sticks with you and helps you curate your personal look.  So for example, when I needed a fresh pair of white jeans this spring, I told her my requirements and preferences, and she sent me several pairs to try.  Whatever you don't like, you ship back in a prepaid box.  Nothing at all is charged until you send your box back.  I love it.  It is such a huge help for a busy mama!

Tell us, what is your biggest style struggle?  For years, mine was feeling like my body didn't look my own, so I had a hard time dressing it.

Wednesday Slacking

I know I owe you guys a new post today, but the weather has just been too good, and I can't get excited about working inside.  I have been really finding joy in simple farm things lately.  That being true, here is my big weekend goal.

Come back here on Friday for a post on how to pick wardrobe staples!  I seriously can't believe you guys want a farmer's wife to talk about clothes, but the people have spoken :)  Tomorrow (Thursday), I will be doing a Periscope on how to fix a boring outfit in 5 minutes, with a bonus real-life closet tour (read: I am not cleaning it beforehand).

Clean Eating: Who & What Can It Help?

Now that we've discussed what exactly we mean when we talk about clean eating, let's chat about who this type of lifestyle can help.

In two new studies conducted by a very prestigious medical facility (who I cannot name until they publish the results themselves, but it starts with an "M" :) ), Arbonne's Clean Eating Challenge program impacted several essential markers of health, including weight, waist circumference, fatigue and energy levels, decreased hunger sensations, and improved mental health stats (anxiety, depression, social functioning).  Mental health you guys!  I feel the other stats are awesome, but probably to be expected.  But the ability of clean eating to improve mental health issues is ground-breaking, hence the need to keep the full study secret until the hospital publishes their findings.

So who should try clean eating?

Everyone.  The End.

Just kidding.  But truly, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't benefit from a move toward a whole food-based diet.

Pregnant or nursing?  

Still 100% a great option for you AND baby!  We are just extra careful with you, especially making sure you get enough calories.

Diabetic?  Hypoglycemic?  

As always, check with your doctor to make sure that any lifestyle change is right for your body.  But we have had scores of people with blood sugar issues have truly shocking success on our plan, with many even being able reduce their insulin and medications.  They report back that their doctors are delighted at their blood test results.  One of the reasons I personally became interested in clean eating is because I am hypoglycemic, and I struggled with it even more seriously while I was pregnant and after having children.  Eating carefully within the guidelines keeps my blood sugar very steady, which has eliminated my episodes.

High blood pressure?  High cholesterol?  

Right here.  We have seen excellent results, as seen on blood tests, even within 28 days.

Arthritis and joint pain?  Chronic pain from fibromyalgia?  

While we'll never claim that clean eating cures your disease, we have many Challengers who report a significant reduction in pain.  The best quick explanation about why clean eating can improve these symptoms is inflammation.  These symptoms are exacerbated by chronic inflammation.  By taking down the inflammatory response in your body, your symptoms are improved, often markedly.  Clean eating and encouraging your body towards an alkaline state reduces the inflammatory response.

Migraines?  

Here again.  Many migraines are caused by food intolerances.  It is our mission to help you recognize and eliminate those.  My migraines have dropped to about one a year, since I started clean eating as a lifestyle.

Skin problems?  

Despite the fact that Arbonne has excellent skin care options, if you came to me with chronic skin issues, I would encourage you to try a Clean Eating Challenge first.  Why?  Because you can often heal those issues from the inside out.  Everything from cystic acne to eczema to unexplained rashes can be linked to food intolerances.  By eliminating those first, we can often more quickly and effectively utilize our skincare.

Digestive problems?  Bloating?  IBS?  

A month of clean eating is one of the best things you can do for your digestion.  Like I mentioned in the last post, one of Arbonne's main focuses during a Challenge is improving your gut health.  By increasing your healthy gut flora, and killing off bad gut bacteria, we have seen a huge improvement in these kinds of issues.  Again, this is not a cure.  But it does reduce unpleasant symptoms.

Fatigue?  

So many adults I know are suffering from exhaustion, lack of energy, and just a generally "blah" feeling.  And we just accept this, like it is okay.  NO.  Frankly, when Seth and I first started, I felt like I was already eating very healthy, so I didn't expect a change in my energy levels.  But the change in how you feel everyday is incredible.  Whole30 calls this "tiger blood", and you can expect to feel it from week 2 on.

Stubborn belly fat?  Stubborn ten pounds?  Seriously overweight?  

Yes, this is the place for you too.  Our Challengers see such impressive weight loss results that most continue the program beyond the 28 days.  This becomes a way of life, instead of a "diet".  It feels much easier to sustain after you have been supported and given great scientific information during your first month!

This is by no means a definitive list of symptoms that changing your diet can seriously improve, but these are among the most common problems our Challengers say our program has reduced or eliminated altogether.

Do you still have questions, or would you like to hear personal experiences from Challengers?

Want to try out Arbonne's Clean Eating Challenge? Snag a trial kit from me with everything you need for 1 week! Comment or email me at sodellwenzel@gmail.com.

Clean Eating: What Is it?

There are SO many people out there, both well-educated and decidedly NOT, throwing around the term "clean eating".  I get questions almost every day about what exactly clean eating even means. How can you know a program is a safe, well-researched plan, instead of a waste of your time and money (and possibly even dangerous to your health)?  What do we mean when we say "clean eating"?

First of all, I think the gold standard program for clean eating is Whole30.  While they have written books, everything you need to do the 30 days, from guidelines to recipes to user forums, is available on their website for free.  (There are plenty of "extras" that you do need to pay to access though). Seth and I have done two rounds of Whole30, and I really believe it is life-changing.

That being true, Whole30 is incredibly challenging.  You must make every single ingredient that you eat from scratch.  It is possibly not even feasible for many people, especially those who work long hours without an at-home spouse who cooks, or those who have many obligatory work functions, or who travel for work.  Many people may need more convenience or support and accountability than they offer.  Or maybe you have done a Whole30, and you want more of a long-term maintenance program.  So what then?

If you are looking into other plans and programs to change how you eat, what should you be looking for, to know it is safe?

1) Education

The number one benefit of any plan, the ONE thing that will allow you sustain changes that you make, is knowing and understand why those choices are right for you.  There should be a process in place to get a good, solid education in nutrition.

2) Private, personal coaching  

You should be regularly speaking to a leader who gets to know you and your body, and who is able to give you personalized ideas and advice.  If you are doing a program where you never hear from a leader, or where no one ever checks in to see how you are faring, that can be a sign of poor coaching.

3)  Formalized accountability and support  

It is proven that if you have accountability from others who are participating in the program at the same time as you, you will have better results and stick with it for longer.  There should be a simple format or place where you can regularly ask questions, share ideas, and encourage each other without going through a leader.

4) No fads, no silliness, no dangerous choices 

This is a big one-the plan you choose should never involve anything that you couldn't/shouldn't continue for the long-term, or that you can't easily find reliable scientific research for.  That means no fasting, no pills, no juicing, no wraps, no patches, no odd lemon-cayenne cleanses, etc.  None of that.  Ever.  Any of those things should be a red flag to you that a program is shenanigans.  A whole-food based plan is the only way to go.

5) No counting calories or carbs or restricting.  

When you are eating a very strictly clean diet, you do not need to count points or calories.  You can safely eat to satiety, because your body will naturally stop you at a healthy intake.  (It is really hard to overeat green vegetables, trust me!)

What does a good program usually involve?

1) Removing Allergenic & Irritating Foods 

Many programs, including Arbonne's program and the Whole30, involve removing many common allergenic and irritating foods from your diet for a set period of time.  Doing this allows your system to "reset", and by the end of that period, most people see relief of many negative symptoms.  Then, after that time is over, you will follow the allergy reintroduction protocol and add back in one food at a time, every three to five days.  You will journal through the reintroduction and pay careful attention to how your body reacts.  We know that certain foods are directly related to certain symptoms, so it is easy to catch when your body doesn't love a certain food.  And after that, you decide if those symptoms are miserable enough to remove those foods from your diet for good, or not.  It is entirely up to you!  So what foods are we talking about?  Dairy, soy, gluten, sugar, alcohol, artificial sugar. Basically, the things that you have inkling that you should cut back on anyway :)

2)  Alkaline State

The second really essential component to a good, healthy clean eating program is encouraging your body to get back into a alkaline state.  Acidic states are directly correlated with inflammation in your body.  Chronic body inflammation is associated with pain of all kinds, like joint pain and arthritis, migraines, stomach pain, and a host of other issues, like skin problems, rashes, and allergies and asthma that get worse over time.  Chronic inflammation can also be a precursor to more serious diseases, like cancer.  We encourage this switch by limiting acid-forming foods in the diet, and adding in foods that help alkaline the body.

What about weight loss?

I can tell you that in my experience as a leader, everyone who follows Arbonne's clean eating program loses weight.  Every single person.  That being true, that is not our primary purpose.  Our main goal is to improve your health in measurable ways, and we find that we are very successful at doing that.  We are just also very successful at weight loss.  (Despite having regularly followed the program myself for almost two years, I am down 20 pounds since the beginning of the year, just through being very, very disciplined with the guidelines).

I can't do it.  I can't give up (fill in the blank).

I completely understand, I really do.  When my first friend gave up grains about ten years ago, I thought she was absolutely insane.  Honestly, I thought she might even have an eating disorder (she doesn't).  She was just way ahead of my understanding of food nutrition and intolerances. And what do you know, five years ago I went grain-free myself, as a way of treating my hypoglycemia (and it worked SO well).  If you are not in a place where you are open to the idea that how you eat completely changes everything about how you feel each day, then maybe now is not the time for you to jump on board.  If you are open to the idea, but you think giving up some of your favorites will be too difficult, you will not be alone.  That is why we work in a group, to give accountability and encourage each other when it feels hard.  And it is not forever.  It is only 28 days.  If you want to go back to wine every single day after that, that is awesome with us!  I also love what the Whole30 says about "hard":

It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written. It’s only thirty days, and it’s for the most important health cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime.

So if Whole30 is the gold standard, how is Arbonne different?  And why?

Arbonne is actually a slightly more lenient plan than Whole30, which I think is essential to most people.  The reason why so many people have "failed" Whole30 is because you have to make every ever-loving thing you put in your mouth for 30 days, down to the condiments.  With the Arbonne Clean Eating Challenge, we are majoring in the majors.  No, you may not have bread, but you also don't have to hand cook your ketchup, mayo, and mustard before you eat your homemade burger. Secondly, the Arbonne products that you will get as a part of the plan are HUGE convenience for you.  I always tell people-you can do our entire program without any Arbonne products whatsoever. They are there to help support your goals, and make it simpler.  So, instead of having to get up extra early to cook a hot breakfast, you will have a protein shake.  Instead of trying to suffer through caffeine withdrawal, you can use Fizz Sticks.  And so on.  We have many, many people who continue to follow our program for the long-term, simply because it is so sustainable.  Finally, we also focus very strongly on your gut health.  The research on gut health is absolutely fascinating.  Did you know that it is linked to your immunity, your mental health, and some other pretty major body functions?  If you can improve your gut health for even a short time, you will see measurable benefits.

"But I feel great.  I don't need to change."

Awesome!  That is great, truly!  It is actually fairly rare that an adult likes the way they feel everyday. Most of us are fighting fatigue, headaches, and other pain.  If that is not you, I am SO glad!  That being true, eating a whole foods-based diet is good for anyone.

Also consider that you may have been experiencing certain symptoms for so long that you have stopped noticing them.  Until you remove these things from your diet for a sustained period of time, you will never know if you could feel even better.  My husband and I both thought that we felt pretty good before we did our first Whole30.  But within that four weeks, both of us started to have more energy all day long, we slept more soundly and better, skin issues were gone....the list goes on.  You never know until you try!

Phew!  So that was long, but clean eating is a broad topic.

Do you have questions? Let's talk about it!

Want more information on Arbonne's Clean Eating Program, email me at sodellwenzel@gmail.com!

I'll be on Periscope tomorrow talking about label reading to help decide whether a food is "clean" or not. Follow me and join the conversation @ArbonneVPSWenzel. And on Friday stop back by the blog to learn what symptoms clean eating may be able to improve.

Saying No: What I Do Not Do

Originally I was just going to update a post that I wrote back in 2011, but as I read through it, I quickly realized that so much has changed since I wrote it five years ago (holy smokes, five years, really?!)  Our lives look very different now.  Everything I said in that post is still true, except my cleaning lady comes even more often now and does even more for me, and one other big one: work.  In the past two years I have moved from being a homeschooling mama to being a homeschooling mama who runs a fairly large business.  This is probably my favorite shift we've ever made.  I finally feel settled into a family-career place where I am living in line with both my priorities and my personality.  Hallelujah!

That being true, I do spend quite a bit of my previously "free" time (hahahahahahaha.  I had five kids under 7 at that point. I must have been nuts.  There was no free time.) on running my business.  That means I now say no to even more things than I did in 2011.

All that being said, if you missed me on Periscope yesterday (follow me @ArbonneVPSWenzel), here is a non-comprehensive list.

What I Do NOT Do (and who does do them, at my house):

• Iron (the dry cleaner)

• Deep clean (Swift Cleaning)

• Work for an income on someone else's schedule (I am 100% in control of my own business schedule.  The end amen forever.  I work for no money for my kids all darn day long though!)

• Cook breakfast (Seth)

• Various homeschool opportunities that didn't work for our schedule and goals (people it did work for)

• Fold laundry (Swift Cleaning)

• Watch TV (the kids, mostly.  I am so tempted to pull that stupid thing out of the wall.)

• Volunteer for a job or that ministry I will dread or that doesn't work for my family's schedule (people who would enjoy it, or who just can't say no, presumably)

• Learn photoshop (hired it out to Manda Julaine Designs)

• Bake bread (hired it out to my friend Alicia)

• Garden (teenage boy)

• Teach Sunday School (people who love children's ministry, one would hope)

• Work on the farm (the people employed to do that)

• Car pool (not even an option for us since we live so far out!)

• Play video games (I don't know who does this, but I know it is a thing)

• Group fitness classes (doesn't work with my priorities and schedule.  I do all individual fitness or streaming classes.)

• Graphic design (Manda Julaine Designs)

• Commute (neither of us anymore, hurray!)

• Make lunch (the kids)

• Toddler activities of any kind (sorry boys!)

• Any team activity that requires more than one meeting per week (not gonna happen until it proves enormously worthy to us)

I don't say no to these things because they are fundamentally bad-on the contrary, many of them may be either amazing or necessary or useful or fun.  But...

YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.  

Instead, saying no to these things has allowed me to add to my "yes" pile of good things that I really value, and to spend time on the things that are currently on my top priorities list.  Discipline in this area (saying no to something when it is not an essential priority) truly creates freedom in every other area of my life. If something fits into my priorities list, I make sure that my actions reflect that.  If it does not, I don't do it.  If it needs to get done, but it doesn't need to get done by me, I delegate it. Simple as that.

There is always a constantly evolving balance of opportunities that arise and abilities - seasons of life that change and priorities that shift.  Once we think we have found a comfy place to say "we've arrived!", something changes.  A dear friend and I just recently texted each other that life seems to have gotten a little bit easier lately-the kids are growing up a bit, and neither of us have added a baby in about three years.  So of course both of us, without discussing it previously, made a decision to take on the same large unknown ministry project.  :)  Some of us have personalities that just need to keep moving forward, always reassessing our lives and adding to our pile of "good things" as we feel able.  We always want to keep reaching for that next right thing.  (If that is NOT you - if you really struggle with knowing what the next right thing is, or if you just can't say no to things, try Lysa Terkeurst's The Best Yes.  I led a group on it last year, and it was both practical and encouraging on those issues!)

Please believe me when I tell you this:

NO ONE DOES IT ALL.

No one.  Some of us are just really good at presenting that face to the world.  Be encouraged, my friends.  Each thing you say "no" to makes room for the best things your life has for you!

Survival Mode: Tricks to Get You Through the Toughest Times

I know so many mamas doing hard things.  Gosh, you guys are resilient.  I am constantly impressed by the mothers I know.  Whether you are in survival mode for the short term, because you have a new baby, or your husband is gone for a little while, or whether survival mode is a long-term proposition for you, because you have a bunch of kiddos under ten, or because you are going back to work after being at home, here are some ideas that helped me.  I feel like I have been in survival mode SO often during the last 12 years, from being in law school with a new baby and working in the legal clinic, to working full-time, to having four more babies in quick succession, to farming and starting a business and homeschooling....whatever your struggle is, I can understand your feelings, even if I haven't been in your situation.  But you don't need to be stuck there!  Here are some tricks that help me when I am overwhelmed:

Awareness

A good first step is acknowledging the situation.  The times when I have gotten myself into the most trouble are when I was determined to be superwoman, that I was going to power through, that I could do EVERYTHING myself.  And that does work, usually for about three weeks.  And then it falls apart.  The best thing you can do is to be aware when you are in too deep.  I am assuming here that there is nothing major you can/want to do to actually CHANGE your situation (you're probably not giving that sweet baby back, right?!), but I do hope there are some things we can do to mitigate your stress while you move through it.

Prioritize 

An essential beginning step for me, for feeling more in control, is to think through and prioritize what needs to be done.  One defining feature of survival mode is that you CANNOT do every single thing that is on your plate.  It is absolutely inevitable that things are going to fall off the plate-the key is that YOU choose which things get dropped, instead of allowing life to make random determinations.  Over the years, I have figured out an easy way to help me define my priorities during crazy times:

1) Write down three things that make me feel bad about myself or my house or my family when they are not done.  These might be things like a healthy dinner, clean laundry, a swept floor, a good school day, church attendance, my workout....anything that will nag at you and make you feel ugh about yourself.

2) Write done three things that make you feel good about yourself.  This is slightly different than above.  For example, I don't feel bad about myself when I don't bake bread, but I do feel GOOD about myself when my kids are eating homemade bread.  Depending on your personality, several things from above may fit in this category too, like exercise, or getting dressed for the day.

3) Write down three things that drive you absolutely nuts.  When you come in the house from being gone, what is your eye drawn to?  The unswept floor?  Dirty dishes?  Unclean sheets on the bed?  Whatever those things are that you feel absolutely compelled to do, write those down.

4)  Write down three things that are important to your spouse.  What few things are truly essential to them?  Make a special effort to accomplish those things, even if they don't resonate with you.  In turn, your spouse should make an effort to give you special grace to NOT do everything when you are overwhelmed.  (I know this is basic marriage stuff, but I also know that bringing some intentionality to this conversation can help with friction and hurt feelings in the future).

These are the 12 things that you are going to work hard to get done.  Everything that is NOT one of these 12 can be let go.  Really.  That doesn't mean that the things you let go aren't good and worthwhile things!  That's what makes it so hard....they usually are!  But you are not able right now.  No, no, you're not.  If you have extra energy and are feeling great one day, feel free to add on.  But otherwise, if it's not on the list, it doesn't get done.  Toddler soccer isn't in your top 12?  You are not going.  Next year may be better.  But for now, it is not a top priority.

If you are extra overwhelmed, put only one item on each list.  Time will pass, things will change, and it will feel easier.  Then you add more back.

Put Systems in Place

Next, you need good systems in place for everything you do.  Systems and habits allow us to run on autopilot and be successful, even when things are crazy.  If you are a personality type like some of us (#oldestchildren), this is probably a no-brainer.  But I've noticed for many mamas, this is a struggle.

If an activity or some period of time every day feels hard, that is just a signal to you that it needs your focused attention.  For example, it does not need to feel incredibly difficult to get out of the house on time everyday.  It's never going to be fun, but it shouldn't feel impossible.  If you are late everyday, create some systems that make it easier to be on time.  Walk back your schedule from the time you need to arrive, and make sure you build in cushion for the inevitable emergencies that come with having kids.  Commit to packing the baby's bag the night before, or restock it as soon as you return from an outing, so that it is always stocked and ready to go. Have a car bag with outfits, toys, formula, a bottle, water, and other supplies that just stays in the car.  Shower and pick out clothes the night before.  Make breakfast casserole at night.  Whatever steps it takes so that you can be more efficient, commit to those habits.

If the hours between 4-7pm are hellish everyday, that is not a reflection of your character.  It is just a red flag that you need some systems in place.  Maybe you need to meal plan (blah blah blah, I know).  Maybe you need to STOP meal planning.  Frankly, I don't make new recipes often anymore, and I don't meal plan.  Every week, I buy ingredients to several meals that I know my family enjoys, and I make whatever I have time for that day.  And it is LESS stressful than meal planning for me right now.  Maybe making crockpot or freezer meals on Sunday would help (#sundayprepforlife).  Or maybe you don't need to cook much at all-if your husband is away often, and you just have toddlers at home, why not have the cheese and crackers and veggies and dip meal that they prefer anyway, especially if you are just as happy with a salad yourself.  Cook up a bunch of chicken breasts on one night, and happily eat that all week.

Let Things Go

On that note, what can you let go?  Seriously.  I know you're thinking "nothing, for real, that's why I'm overwhelmed lady!", but be flexible with yourself.  The list of things that I do NOT do is so much longer than things I get done.  Intentionally.  (Come back on Friday for an update of this post).

This is a stupid example, but I grew up never eating off a paper plate, ever.  Not even once.  Never at my parents' parties, bbqs, picnics.  Never.  So it didn't occur to me in a house with 7 people that it might save me some time to use disposable plates.  And then when it did occur to me, I was horrified by the idea because it seemed wasteful, I had my mother's voice in my head, etc.  DUMB.  Let it all go!  Your sanity is not less important than the cranky voice of judgment that lives in your head.

What else can you give up?  Baths every night for babies, that's what.  You have my pediatricians' permission (every doctor I've ever had has suggested this).  It is bad for their skin.  Twice a week in the winter, at max. There's an hour per week saved, at least.

You know what else?  Toddler extracurricular activities.  Yes, seriously.  Here's a secret: I drove myself absolutely nuts making sure that my oldest daughter had fun dance classes and story hour and activities when she was three and four.  I sat in the lobby for an hour every time, with another toddler, and infant, and morning sickness.  It felt HARD.  She enjoyed those activities very much. But you know what?  She doesn't remember a stinking thing about it.  At all.  She is (almost) eleven, and she can't remember even having a dance class.  If you are going crazy, if you are exhausted, if you are barely holding it together, DON'T GO.  YOU ARE THE MAMA.  Nothing bad will happen.  I promise.  (Well, that is a lie.  The three year old-especially an oldest child-will throw a fit about missing a class, but she will be quickly distracted with a yay!-picnic-dinner idea).

Corralling all five kids at church by yourself makes you stabby?  Buh-bye sanctuary!  See ya in a few months! Get your Jesus at home with awesome online sermons, guilt-free.  STOP DOING EVERYTHING.  I know we all have this picture in our minds of our ideal selves, working at full capacity, being amazing.  I believe in my heart that you were created to be amazing.  But you don't need to do every single flipping thing, especially in times of survival mode.

How about this?  Stop folding laundry.  Folding and putting away laundry is among the most Sisyphean things we do, right?  So stop.  Clean laundry in one basket, dirty in the other. Easy.  Every morning, pick you clean laundry from the basket, instead of a drawer.  (Half of you are like "duh", and the other half are horrified by this idea.  I'll let you guess how I grew up).

Get Help and Delegate

Let's talk about how you can get help with things that do need to be done.  Many of you who read here are married with children.  If that is you, your spouse can be your #1 support.  Even if they travel for work frequently, there are always things they can do to make your day easier.  Brainstorm together: what can they take off your plate?  Someone who is traveling may be able to make those nagging phone calls for you, like to the insurance agent or water company (heck, it's quieter at an airport gate than at my house most days.  Why not?!)  Maybe they can help you automate the bills, so that you don't need to think about them.

If they are not traveling, now is the time to figure out a new way to delegate the work.  When you are drowning, for whatever reason, they should be a key player in your family's upkeep.  (New things my husband does that he didn't always: unload dishwasher, wash random extra dishes in the morning, carry laundry, make breakfast for the kids, pack lunches on homeschool coop days, occasionally take a kid to a doctor's appointment, take toddlers and preschoolers to work with him in the tractor when I have an event for the older kids...hold on, I know there's more....) In any case, your spouse may recognize that you are overwhelmed, but not the need to step up their help, so consider having a calm conversation about your needs.  (I mentally call these little talks "state of the union" conversations, because they are useful to have at least once a year).

How else can you get help?  Maybe you have older kids who could be pitching in more.  Maybe you have family who lives close by and could be a real support.  I know several families whose mama or MIL takes the kids for a set period every week.  If that would be helpful to you, ASK!  What about friends or your church family?  Is there a way you could exchange work or take turns with kiddos in some way that would give you breathing room?  Be creative.  I know people who do a "friends' summer camp".  Every Friday during the summer, they take turns having all the kids at their house all day, but then they get the next three Fridays off, while their kids are at another family's turn for camp.

If you are covered in tiny babies and you just can't see giving them to other people for any period of time (I've been there), what else can you delegate?  Look for something that doesn't need YOU, just an adult to do it.  Being a mama?  Only you can do that.  Nursing a baby?  You again.  Housework?  Anyone with a pulse.

I know a few people whose mama folds their laundry.  If that option is available to you, take it!  If not (right here!), can you hire help?  I know sometimes it seems uncomfortable to pay someone to do housework, but that has been a lifesaver for our family for the last six or so years.  This was essential to me during all my pregnancies especially, when I just could NOT deal with being sick, and staring at a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned properly in months.  I have a sweet lady, Danielle, (who has become a friend) who cleans my house once a week, and I just recently began to give her hours folding and putting away our laundry as well.

What about meals?  I have a friend who just started a business selling her homemade bread.  I love baking bread, but my kids eat it way too quickly for me to keep up, and it had fallen off my plate of priorities in the last two years since beginning my own business.  Still, it bugged me to buy less-healthy bread at the store. Now I have the win-win of supporting another mama in making a little income, and my kids being fed nutritious homemade bread that I am not having to find time to bake.  You could use more frozen meals.  You could pay a teenager to take care of the yard.  If money can solve a problem for you, DO IT.  I would give up most everything before I gave up my Danielle, because it is such a blessing to me to KNOW that something will be done properly without me doing it.  Really think through what you can delegate.

Find the Fun

Finally, do whatever you can to find the fun in small ways.  You may feel stuck right now, but you can still improve your day little by little.  Have your go-to motivation song ready on your phone every morning.  Buy yourself a decent bottle of wine on Friday nights.  Instead of crying in the kitchen when you are losing your mind, turn the music up loud and have a dance party with your kids.  (This will freak them out at first, but they quickly start to love it).  Always have something to look forward to-manufacture it if you have to.  Buy yourself a new audio book for the car.  Reward yourself whenever you can.  But above all, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE.  No guilt allowed.  You are doing the best you can.  GRACE GRACE GRACE.  When you can do more, you will do more.  For now, hang on tight.  As a mama to a lot of babies in a short period of time, I promise you seasons pass quickly. Five years will fly by without you really noticing, and you will look up and realize that it has gotten easier.

"Courage, dear heart."

     -C.S. Lewis

What are your best survival tips?
What keeps you going when things feel crazy?

On Being a Mama

Oh my friends, I am blessed to be surrounded on all sides by so many truly incredible women (you!).  I see you working so hard, sacrificing, hanging on by the skin of your teeth, nailing a smile on your face when you are exhausted, and still truly enjoying the sweet little faces that you have been entrusted with everyday.  I pray that you know are doing a great work, one that will ripple into future for longer than you know.

With Mother's Day coming up, I went and read back through some of my old posts about motherhood.  I wouldn't say that all the circumstances from these posts remain the same, but the emotions hold true.  I hope you enjoy a little reflection too.

Teach Me to Number My Days 

Mother's HelperOn Expectations

A Day in the Life, Part 1

A Day in the Life, Part 2

Despite what I said in the Expectations post above, my wish for you is a relaxing and joyful Mother's Day.  You truly deserve to be celebrated.