With Dad on our mind, I thought we'd chat about ways to help the guys in our life be more healthy. Of course, they are grown adults in charge of their own health, but I have often found that guys need a little nudge towards making healthier choices. And isn't nice to spend a little time taking special care of them? Here are five ideas to help the guys in your life stay in top form.
Showing posts with label Tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tips. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
#OneSwap: 5 Ways to Help the Men in your Life Stay in Top Form
You guys, Father's Day is this Sunday. Can you even believe that? It feels like the summer has just barely started, and we are already hitting one of the big seasonal milestones.
With Dad on our mind, I thought we'd chat about ways to help the guys in our life be more healthy. Of course, they are grown adults in charge of their own health, but I have often found that guys need a little nudge towards making healthier choices. And isn't nice to spend a little time taking special care of them? Here are five ideas to help the guys in your life stay in top form.
With Dad on our mind, I thought we'd chat about ways to help the guys in our life be more healthy. Of course, they are grown adults in charge of their own health, but I have often found that guys need a little nudge towards making healthier choices. And isn't nice to spend a little time taking special care of them? Here are five ideas to help the guys in your life stay in top form.
Friday, June 10, 2016
#OneSwap: Making Time for Fitness
Before I launch in today, I want to tell you how much your words on my last post mean to me. I know that both abortion and religion are fraught topics, and as always, you guys are amazing at showing love and grace, to me, and to each other.
We are going to shift topics pretty hard today, to a new series that I am calling "#OneSwap", inspired by this post, which I totally relate to. There is just too much information out there, too many 'MUST DOs or else,' too little actual authority on what is essential and what is optional. Every article seems to be screaming about how dangerous the world is.
Well, Mama don't play that. Are there some issues that we will, in 20 years, realize we should have been more careful about? I'm sure. Is every single thing out there going to kill our babies, or us? Phhhhh. Scare tactics.
In that light, in this series, I am going to highlight some topics that many of us struggle with, and suggest one simple swap you could make in order to move toward a healthier choice. One thing. That's it. If you have time and energy and interest in doing more, awesome! I will give five ideas. If not, we are going to really boil this down to the essentials, so you know what you really need to be focused on.
Today, our first topic in this series is going to be finding time for fitness.
I already gave some tips on staying healthy while traveling, but what if your everyday life is equally jam-packed?
I get that, I really do. Five little kids, homeschooling, farming husband, my own business....each day has more to do than I could ever do well. But being a fit and active mama is really important (to me, and many of you too). Our kids are watching us. So how can we make sure we are fitting it in?
Whether you work out of the house, or stay at home, whether you have kids or not, your personal situation has an advantage in there somewhere. Your job is to find that advantage and USE it. So, let's say you are a working mama. Could you drop the kids at the sitter early and exercise before work? Could you workout during your lunch hour while the kiddos are at daycare? Could you arrange with your nanny to stay late twice a week while you hit the gym? Don't say "I couldn't possibly". Really think it through. Don't be quick to dismiss the possibilities.
If you are a stay at home mama, your advantage is that you have more control over your schedule (whether you feel like it or not!) Put that sweet baby in the exersaucer next to the treadmill, get a good quality jogging stroller, or make use of that dusty bike trailer. Which leads me to....
If you have a busy life, the key to being able to fit in exercise is to have all the equipment you need immediately on hand. Any lack of preparation will derail you indefinitely, and you don't have time for that. What equipment you must invest in will be different for each of us, but some of my most useful fitness investments are: a good treadmill, hand weights, kettlebells, a used Garmin, exercise mat, double jogger, double bike trailer and bike, excellent workout gear, and streaming barre classes. I couldn't bike ride with my kids before I bought myself a bike and trailer for the littles. I couldn't run during the day before I bought a double jogging stroller. I couldn't run in the winter before I bought a treadmill. I don't have access to exercise classes all the way out here on the farm, so I couldn't do barre before I bought a subscription to streaming classes.
Your investment might be unlimited classes at your favorite studio, a Y membership, childcare....whatever it is, do it now, so that when can squeeze in fitness, you are prepared. If you only have 30 minutes for exercise today, that doesn't mean you have 15 minutes to find your running shoes, 90 minutes to research jogging strollers, 30 minutes to exercise, and 30 minutes to shower. In my world, 30 minutes means I have exactly 30 minutes before the baby wakes up and needs to be nursed (those days are finally passed, phew!), or we need to leave for swimming lessons, or my husband needs to leave for work. Be ready, have all your equipment together, prepare ahead of time as much as possible. The happy news is: most of this can be purchased used, for an excellent price, if that is a consideration for you.
That being said, the opposite is also true: allow yourself to be flexible. For a long time, if I didn't manage to get up and workout at 5, as planned, I decided that I missed my chance and I didn't work out that day. And sometimes that needs to happen. But just as often, I could have still fit it in somewhere that day, if I had let go of my idea of the perfect schedule. Last January, I committed to a "no matter what" resolution of exercising every single day, for 30 days. And I found that even if I did miss my scheduled workout, I could make it happen in another way or at another time. I could always find 30 minutes of empty time somewhere, even if they weren't ideal. A couple of nights that meant I walked on the treadmill in my pjs, but it happened. Try committing to that type of attitude for 30 days, and see if it sparks a new habit.
There are two parts to this:
This can be true of anything the kiddos do - you can participate and get into it if you are prepared. I have noticed that I am so much more willing to get really into their activities if I am wearing my workout clothes all day than a real outfit. That sounds silly, but it is true. You can burn a ton of calories playing soccer with your kiddos, if you are are all in. Trampoline? Get up there. Playing at the park? Don't sit on the bench! Run the tiny park loop around the playground, or use the equipment for a quick circuit of body weight activity.
If you don't already have a fitness tracker, that can be a useful tool to see how active you truly are every day. Before I had my Fitbit, I would have said that I was moving all day long, so therefore very active. That turned out to not always be true. Start with 10,000 steps as your baseline, and see how your day stacks up. You can compete against friends and see how active you really are! From there, work for higher step goals. I have had my days of walking loops around my house to make it happen.
We are going to shift topics pretty hard today, to a new series that I am calling "#OneSwap", inspired by this post, which I totally relate to. There is just too much information out there, too many 'MUST DOs or else,' too little actual authority on what is essential and what is optional. Every article seems to be screaming about how dangerous the world is.
Well, Mama don't play that. Are there some issues that we will, in 20 years, realize we should have been more careful about? I'm sure. Is every single thing out there going to kill our babies, or us? Phhhhh. Scare tactics.
In that light, in this series, I am going to highlight some topics that many of us struggle with, and suggest one simple swap you could make in order to move toward a healthier choice. One thing. That's it. If you have time and energy and interest in doing more, awesome! I will give five ideas. If not, we are going to really boil this down to the essentials, so you know what you really need to be focused on.
Today, our first topic in this series is going to be finding time for fitness.
I already gave some tips on staying healthy while traveling, but what if your everyday life is equally jam-packed?
I get that, I really do. Five little kids, homeschooling, farming husband, my own business....each day has more to do than I could ever do well. But being a fit and active mama is really important (to me, and many of you too). Our kids are watching us. So how can we make sure we are fitting it in?
5 Tips on Making Time for Fitness
1. Exploit Your Advantage
Whether you work out of the house, or stay at home, whether you have kids or not, your personal situation has an advantage in there somewhere. Your job is to find that advantage and USE it. So, let's say you are a working mama. Could you drop the kids at the sitter early and exercise before work? Could you workout during your lunch hour while the kiddos are at daycare? Could you arrange with your nanny to stay late twice a week while you hit the gym? Don't say "I couldn't possibly". Really think it through. Don't be quick to dismiss the possibilities.If you are a stay at home mama, your advantage is that you have more control over your schedule (whether you feel like it or not!) Put that sweet baby in the exersaucer next to the treadmill, get a good quality jogging stroller, or make use of that dusty bike trailer. Which leads me to....
2. Make the Investment
If you have a busy life, the key to being able to fit in exercise is to have all the equipment you need immediately on hand. Any lack of preparation will derail you indefinitely, and you don't have time for that. What equipment you must invest in will be different for each of us, but some of my most useful fitness investments are: a good treadmill, hand weights, kettlebells, a used Garmin, exercise mat, double jogger, double bike trailer and bike, excellent workout gear, and streaming barre classes. I couldn't bike ride with my kids before I bought myself a bike and trailer for the littles. I couldn't run during the day before I bought a double jogging stroller. I couldn't run in the winter before I bought a treadmill. I don't have access to exercise classes all the way out here on the farm, so I couldn't do barre before I bought a subscription to streaming classes. Your investment might be unlimited classes at your favorite studio, a Y membership, childcare....whatever it is, do it now, so that when can squeeze in fitness, you are prepared. If you only have 30 minutes for exercise today, that doesn't mean you have 15 minutes to find your running shoes, 90 minutes to research jogging strollers, 30 minutes to exercise, and 30 minutes to shower. In my world, 30 minutes means I have exactly 30 minutes before the baby wakes up and needs to be nursed (those days are finally passed, phew!), or we need to leave for swimming lessons, or my husband needs to leave for work. Be ready, have all your equipment together, prepare ahead of time as much as possible. The happy news is: most of this can be purchased used, for an excellent price, if that is a consideration for you.
3. Have a Plan, But Be Flexible
If you have a truly insane schedule, it can really help to sit down with your calendar and schedule your workouts by week. In writing. You will see where you can fit in a lunchtime run versus where your day is so packed that your only option is a 5am workout. I find that on busy weeks, if I don't do this ahead of time, that means I will not exercise at all.That being said, the opposite is also true: allow yourself to be flexible. For a long time, if I didn't manage to get up and workout at 5, as planned, I decided that I missed my chance and I didn't work out that day. And sometimes that needs to happen. But just as often, I could have still fit it in somewhere that day, if I had let go of my idea of the perfect schedule. Last January, I committed to a "no matter what" resolution of exercising every single day, for 30 days. And I found that even if I did miss my scheduled workout, I could make it happen in another way or at another time. I could always find 30 minutes of empty time somewhere, even if they weren't ideal. A couple of nights that meant I walked on the treadmill in my pjs, but it happened. Try committing to that type of attitude for 30 days, and see if it sparks a new habit.
4. Find Your Passion
Exercise will feel like just another awful adult thing you have to force yourself to do, if you don't take the time to explore what you love. I really believe there is a form of being active out there that every single one of us will love (or at least not totally hate). If you can find what you are passionate about, it will feel much easier to squeeze that workout in! I don't always feel motivated to run in that exact moment, but you should see me if I don't run regularly-my mental health and..um...sweet disposition suffers. I daydream about running when I am stuck inside. That's how I know I found my thing.There are two parts to this:
1) Becoming proficient.
It is hard to know if you love a workout if you are still at the beginner stage, where everything feels strange and hard. Give any activity that interests you a good trial period before you decide you don't like it.2) Know yourself.
Are you super competitive? Do you need to be alone more? Do you hate team sports? Do you love being outside? Do you have legitimate physical restrictions? If you are an introvert with lots of little kids at home all day, a loud team sport with a strict schedule is an activity that you will probably dread, not look forward to. But you could learn to crave solitary hikes. On the flip side, if you are an extrovert at home with one tiny baby, you may desperately need team camaraderie and some healthy competition. Maybe a sand volleyball team or Crossfit is a better choice for you.5. Everyday active
This is especially essential if you really can't dedicate a block of time to exercising on a regular basis. You can make being active a part of your daily life (again, if you have the proper equipment). I may not be able to ride 20 miles on my bike today alone, but I can convince the kids to ride to the red barn and back, with the little boys in the trailer (and then I will very quickly realize that I have taken on more than I can handle, but consider that the push you need!). This can double as character training for the kiddos, if you take the time to discuss why staying active is a family value, and how "Wenzels never whine" is a family motto.This can be true of anything the kiddos do - you can participate and get into it if you are prepared. I have noticed that I am so much more willing to get really into their activities if I am wearing my workout clothes all day than a real outfit. That sounds silly, but it is true. You can burn a ton of calories playing soccer with your kiddos, if you are are all in. Trampoline? Get up there. Playing at the park? Don't sit on the bench! Run the tiny park loop around the playground, or use the equipment for a quick circuit of body weight activity.
If you don't already have a fitness tracker, that can be a useful tool to see how active you truly are every day. Before I had my Fitbit, I would have said that I was moving all day long, so therefore very active. That turned out to not always be true. Start with 10,000 steps as your baseline, and see how your day stacks up. You can compete against friends and see how active you really are! From there, work for higher step goals. I have had my days of walking loops around my house to make it happen.
6. Stop Making It So Complicated
So, all this is too much for you. What ONE thing can you do to make fitness happen? Start small. Commit to making movement happen, no matter what, every single day for 30 days. Go buy "Seven", the seven minute HIIT app. If you are not familiar with HIIT, it stands for "high intensity interval training". The app will help you, from home, get in a comprehensive workout. HIIT (also called by other names, like Tabata) has been proven to be an effective method for improving your cardiovascular fitness and lowering your insulin resistance. If you cannot find the time or motivation for any kind of exercise, HIIT is for you. Make one swap from the couch to seven minutes per day. You can do it!Tell us, what is your number one obstacle to working out regularly? Share it with us on in the comments or on social media using #OneSwap!
Friday, May 13, 2016
Saying No: What I Do Not Do
Originally I was just going to update a post that I wrote back in 2011, but as I read through it, I quickly realized that so much has changed since I wrote it five years ago (holy smokes, five years, really?!) Our lives look very different now. Everything I said in that post is still true, except my cleaning lady comes even more often now and does even more for me, and one other big one: work. In the past two years I have moved from being a homeschooling mama to being a homeschooling mama who runs a fairly large business. This is probably my favorite shift we've ever made. I finally feel settled into a family-career place where I am living in line with both my priorities and my personality. Hallelujah!
That being true, I do spend quite a bit of my previously "free" time (hahahahahahaha. I had five kids under 7 at that point. I must have been nuts. There was no free time.) on running my business. That means I now say no to even more things than I did in 2011.
All that being said, if you missed me on Periscope yesterday (follow me @ArbonneVPSWenzel), here is a non-comprehensive list.
I don't say no to these things because they are fundamentally bad-on the contrary, many of them may be either amazing or necessary or useful or fun. But...
Instead, saying no to these things has allowed me to add to my "yes" pile of good things that I really value, and to spend time on the things that are currently on my top priorities list. Discipline in this area (saying no to something when it is not an essential priority) truly creates freedom in every other area of my life. If something fits into my priorities list, I make sure that my actions reflect that. If it does not, I don't do it. If it needs to get done, but it doesn't need to get done by me, I delegate it. Simple as that.
There is always a constantly evolving balance of opportunities that arise and abilities - seasons of life that change and priorities that shift. Once we think we have found a comfy place to say "we've arrived!", something changes. A dear friend and I just recently texted each other that life seems to have gotten a little bit easier lately-the kids are growing up a bit, and neither of us have added a baby in about three years. So of course both of us, without discussing it previously, made a decision to take on the same large unknown ministry project. :) Some of us have personalities that just need to keep moving forward, always reassessing our lives and adding to our pile of "good things" as we feel able. We always want to keep reaching for that next right thing. (If that is NOT you - if you really struggle with knowing what the next right thing is, or if you just can't say no to things, try Lysa Terkeurst's The Best Yes. I led a group on it last year, and it was both practical and encouraging on those issues!)
Please believe me when I tell you this:
No one. Some of us are just really good at presenting that face to the world. Be encouraged, my friends. Each thing you say "no" to makes room for the best things your life has for you!
That being true, I do spend quite a bit of my previously "free" time (hahahahahahaha. I had five kids under 7 at that point. I must have been nuts. There was no free time.) on running my business. That means I now say no to even more things than I did in 2011.
All that being said, if you missed me on Periscope yesterday (follow me @ArbonneVPSWenzel), here is a non-comprehensive list.
What I Do NOT Do (and who does do them, at my house):
- Iron (the dry cleaner)
- Deep clean (Swift Cleaning)
- Work for an income on someone else's schedule (I am 100% in control of my own business schedule. The end amen forever. I work for no money for my kids all darn day long though!)
- Cook breakfast (Seth)
- Various homeschool opportunities that didn't work for our schedule and goals (people it did work for)
- Fold laundry (Swift Cleaning)
- Watch TV (the kids, mostly. I am so tempted to pull that stupid thing out of the wall.)
- Volunteer for a job or that ministry I will dread or that doesn't work for my family's schedule (people who would enjoy it, or who just can't say no, presumably)
- Learn photoshop (hired it out to Manda Julaine Designs)
- Bake bread (hired it out to my friend Alicia)
- Garden (teenage boy)
- Teach Sunday School (people who love children's ministry, one would hope)
- Work on the farm (the people employed to do that)
- Car pool (not even an option for us since we live so far out!)
- Play video games (I don't know who does this, but I know it is a thing)
- Group fitness classes (doesn't work with my priorities and schedule. I do all individual fitness or streaming classes.)
- Graphic design (Manda Julaine Designs)
- Commute (neither of us anymore, hurray!)
- Make lunch (the kids)
- Toddler activities of any kind (sorry boys!)
- Any team activity that requires more than one meeting per week (not gonna happen until it proves enormously worthy to us)
I don't say no to these things because they are fundamentally bad-on the contrary, many of them may be either amazing or necessary or useful or fun. But...
YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.
There is always a constantly evolving balance of opportunities that arise and abilities - seasons of life that change and priorities that shift. Once we think we have found a comfy place to say "we've arrived!", something changes. A dear friend and I just recently texted each other that life seems to have gotten a little bit easier lately-the kids are growing up a bit, and neither of us have added a baby in about three years. So of course both of us, without discussing it previously, made a decision to take on the same large unknown ministry project. :) Some of us have personalities that just need to keep moving forward, always reassessing our lives and adding to our pile of "good things" as we feel able. We always want to keep reaching for that next right thing. (If that is NOT you - if you really struggle with knowing what the next right thing is, or if you just can't say no to things, try Lysa Terkeurst's The Best Yes. I led a group on it last year, and it was both practical and encouraging on those issues!)
Please believe me when I tell you this:
NO ONE DOES IT ALL.
No one. Some of us are just really good at presenting that face to the world. Be encouraged, my friends. Each thing you say "no" to makes room for the best things your life has for you!
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Survival Mode: Tricks to Get You Through the Toughest Times
I know so many mamas doing hard things. Gosh, you guys are resilient. I am constantly impressed by the mothers I know. Whether you are in survival mode for the short term, because you have a new baby, or your husband is gone for a little while, or whether survival mode is a long-term proposition for you, because you have a bunch of kiddos under ten, or because you are going back to work after being at home, here are some ideas that helped me. I feel like I have been in survival mode SO often during the last 12 years, from being in law school with a new baby and working in the legal clinic, to working full-time, to having four more babies in quick succession, to farming and starting a business and homeschooling....whatever your struggle is, I can understand your feelings, even if I haven't been in your situation. But you don't need to be stuck there! Here are some tricks that help me when I am overwhelmed:
Awareness
A good first step is acknowledging the situation. The times when I have gotten myself into the most trouble are when I was determined to be superwoman, that I was going to power through, that I could do EVERYTHING myself. And that does work, usually for about three weeks. And then it falls apart. The best thing you can do is to be aware when you are in too deep. I am assuming here that there is nothing major you can/want to do to actually CHANGE your situation (you're probably not giving that sweet baby back, right?!), but I do hope there are some things we can do to mitigate your stress while you move through it.
An essential beginning step for me, for feeling more in control, is to think through and prioritize what needs to be done. One defining feature of survival mode is that you CANNOT do every single thing that is on your plate. It is absolutely inevitable that things are going to fall off the plate-the key is that YOU choose which things get dropped, instead of allowing life to make random determinations. Over the years, I have figured out an easy way to help me define my priorities during crazy times:
1) Write down three things that make me feel bad about myself or my house or my family when they are not done. These might be things like a healthy dinner, clean laundry, a swept floor, a good school day, church attendance, my workout....anything that will nag at you and make you feel ugh about yourself.
2) Write done three things that make you feel good about yourself. This is slightly different than above. For example, I don't feel bad about myself when I don't bake bread, but I do feel GOOD about myself when my kids are eating homemade bread. Depending on your personality, several things from above may fit in this category too, like exercise, or getting dressed for the day.
3) Write down three things that drive you absolutely nuts. When you come in the house from being gone, what is your eye drawn to? The unswept floor? Dirty dishes? Unclean sheets on the bed? Whatever those things are that you feel absolutely compelled to do, write those down.
4) Write down three things that are important to your spouse. What few things are truly essential to them? Make a special effort to accomplish those things, even if they don't resonate with you. In turn, your spouse should make an effort to give you special grace to NOT do everything when you are overwhelmed. (I know this is basic marriage stuff, but I also know that bringing some intentionality to this conversation can help with friction and hurt feelings in the future).
These are the 12 things that you are going to work hard to get done. Everything that is NOT one of these 12 can be let go. Really. That doesn't mean that the things you let go aren't good and worthwhile things! That's what makes it so hard....they usually are! But you are not able right now. No, no, you're not. If you have extra energy and are feeling great one day, feel free to add on. But otherwise, if it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Toddler soccer isn't in your top 12? You are not going. Next year may be better. But for now, it is not a top priority.
If you are extra overwhelmed, put only one item on each list. Time will pass, things will change, and it will feel easier. Then you add more back.
Next, you need good systems in place for everything you do. Systems and habits allow us to run on autopilot and be successful, even when things are crazy. If you are a personality type like some of us (#oldestchildren), this is probably a no-brainer. But I've noticed for many mamas, this is a struggle.
If an activity or some period of time every day feels hard, that is just a signal to you that it needs your focused attention. For example, it does not need to feel incredibly difficult to get out of the house on time everyday. It's never going to be fun, but it shouldn't feel impossible. If you are late everyday, create some systems that make it easier to be on time. Walk back your schedule from the time you need to arrive, and make sure you build in cushion for the inevitable emergencies that come with having kids. Commit to packing the baby's bag the night before, or restock it as soon as you return from an outing, so that it is always stocked and ready to go. Have a car bag with outfits, toys, formula, a bottle, water, and other supplies that just stays in the car. Shower and pick out clothes the night before. Make breakfast casserole at night. Whatever steps it takes so that you can be more efficient, commit to those habits.
Let's talk about how you can get help with things that do need to be done. Many of you who read here are married with children. If that is you, your spouse can be your #1 support. Even if they travel for work frequently, there are always things they can do to make your day easier. Brainstorm together: what can they take off your plate? Someone who is traveling may be able to make those nagging phone calls for you, like to the insurance agent or water company (heck, it's quieter at an airport gate than at my house most days. Why not?!) Maybe they can help you automate the bills, so that you don't need to think about them.
If they are not traveling, now is the time to figure out a new way to delegate the work. When you are drowning, for whatever reason, they should be a key player in your family's upkeep. (New things my husband does that he didn't always: unload dishwasher, wash random extra dishes in the morning, carry laundry, make breakfast for the kids, pack lunches on homeschool coop days, occasionally take a kid to a doctor's appointment, take toddlers and preschoolers to work with him in the tractor when I have an event for the older kids...hold on, I know there's more....) In any case, your spouse may recognize that you are overwhelmed, but not the need to step up their help, so consider having a calm conversation about your needs. (I mentally call these little talks "state of the union" conversations, because they are useful to have at least once a year).
How else can you get help? Maybe you have older kids who could be pitching in more. Maybe you have family who lives close by and could be a real support. I know several families whose mama or MIL takes the kids for a set period every week. If that would be helpful to you, ASK! What about friends or your church family? Is there a way you could exchange work or take turns with kiddos in some way that would give you breathing room? Be creative. I know people who do a "friends' summer camp". Every Friday during the summer, they take turns having all the kids at their house all day, but then they get the next three Fridays off, while their kids are at another family's turn for camp.
If you are covered in tiny babies and you just can't see giving them to other people for any period of time (I've been there), what else can you delegate? Look for something that doesn't need YOU, just an adult to do it. Being a mama? Only you can do that. Nursing a baby? You again. Housework? Anyone with a pulse.
I know a few people whose mama folds their laundry. If that option is available to you, take it! If not (right here!), can you hire help? I know sometimes it seems uncomfortable to pay someone to do housework, but that has been a lifesaver for our family for the last six or so years. This was essential to me during all my pregnancies especially, when I just could NOT deal with being sick, and staring at a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned properly in months. I have a sweet lady, Danielle, (who has become a friend) who cleans my house once a week, and I just recently began to give her hours folding and putting away our laundry as well.
What about meals? I have a friend who just started a business selling her homemade bread. I love baking bread, but my kids eat it way too quickly for me to keep up, and it had fallen off my plate of priorities in the last two years since beginning my own business. Still, it bugged me to buy less-healthy bread at the store. Now I have the win-win of supporting another mama in making a little income, and my kids being fed nutritious homemade bread that I am not having to find time to bake. You could use more frozen meals. You could pay a teenager to take care of the yard. If money can solve a problem for you, DO IT. I would give up most everything before I gave up my Danielle, because it is such a blessing to me to KNOW that something will be done properly without me doing it. Really think through what you can delegate.
Finally, do whatever you can to find the fun in small ways. You may feel stuck right now, but you can still improve your day little by little. Have your go-to motivation song ready on your phone every morning. Buy yourself a decent bottle of wine on Friday nights. Instead of crying in the kitchen when you are losing your mind, turn the music up loud and have a dance party with your kids. (This will freak them out at first, but they quickly start to love it). Always have something to look forward to-manufacture it if you have to. Buy yourself a new audio book for the car. Reward yourself whenever you can. But above all, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. No guilt allowed. You are doing the best you can. GRACE GRACE GRACE. When you can do more, you will do more. For now, hang on tight. As a mama to a lot of babies in a short period of time, I promise you seasons pass quickly. Five years will fly by without you really noticing, and you will look up and realize that it has gotten easier.
What are your best survival tips?
Prioritize
An essential beginning step for me, for feeling more in control, is to think through and prioritize what needs to be done. One defining feature of survival mode is that you CANNOT do every single thing that is on your plate. It is absolutely inevitable that things are going to fall off the plate-the key is that YOU choose which things get dropped, instead of allowing life to make random determinations. Over the years, I have figured out an easy way to help me define my priorities during crazy times:
1) Write down three things that make me feel bad about myself or my house or my family when they are not done. These might be things like a healthy dinner, clean laundry, a swept floor, a good school day, church attendance, my workout....anything that will nag at you and make you feel ugh about yourself.
2) Write done three things that make you feel good about yourself. This is slightly different than above. For example, I don't feel bad about myself when I don't bake bread, but I do feel GOOD about myself when my kids are eating homemade bread. Depending on your personality, several things from above may fit in this category too, like exercise, or getting dressed for the day.
3) Write down three things that drive you absolutely nuts. When you come in the house from being gone, what is your eye drawn to? The unswept floor? Dirty dishes? Unclean sheets on the bed? Whatever those things are that you feel absolutely compelled to do, write those down.
4) Write down three things that are important to your spouse. What few things are truly essential to them? Make a special effort to accomplish those things, even if they don't resonate with you. In turn, your spouse should make an effort to give you special grace to NOT do everything when you are overwhelmed. (I know this is basic marriage stuff, but I also know that bringing some intentionality to this conversation can help with friction and hurt feelings in the future).
These are the 12 things that you are going to work hard to get done. Everything that is NOT one of these 12 can be let go. Really. That doesn't mean that the things you let go aren't good and worthwhile things! That's what makes it so hard....they usually are! But you are not able right now. No, no, you're not. If you have extra energy and are feeling great one day, feel free to add on. But otherwise, if it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Toddler soccer isn't in your top 12? You are not going. Next year may be better. But for now, it is not a top priority.
If you are extra overwhelmed, put only one item on each list. Time will pass, things will change, and it will feel easier. Then you add more back.
Put Systems in Place
Next, you need good systems in place for everything you do. Systems and habits allow us to run on autopilot and be successful, even when things are crazy. If you are a personality type like some of us (#oldestchildren), this is probably a no-brainer. But I've noticed for many mamas, this is a struggle.
If an activity or some period of time every day feels hard, that is just a signal to you that it needs your focused attention. For example, it does not need to feel incredibly difficult to get out of the house on time everyday. It's never going to be fun, but it shouldn't feel impossible. If you are late everyday, create some systems that make it easier to be on time. Walk back your schedule from the time you need to arrive, and make sure you build in cushion for the inevitable emergencies that come with having kids. Commit to packing the baby's bag the night before, or restock it as soon as you return from an outing, so that it is always stocked and ready to go. Have a car bag with outfits, toys, formula, a bottle, water, and other supplies that just stays in the car. Shower and pick out clothes the night before. Make breakfast casserole at night. Whatever steps it takes so that you can be more efficient, commit to those habits.
If the hours between 4-7pm are hellish everyday, that is not a reflection of your character. It is just a red flag that you need some systems in place. Maybe you need to meal plan (blah blah blah, I know). Maybe you need to STOP meal planning. Frankly, I don't make new recipes often anymore, and I don't meal plan. Every week, I buy ingredients to several meals that I know my family enjoys, and I make whatever I have time for that day. And it is LESS stressful than meal planning for me right now. Maybe making crockpot or freezer meals on Sunday would help (#sundayprepforlife). Or maybe you don't need to cook much at all-if your husband is away often, and you just have toddlers at home, why not have the cheese and crackers and veggies and dip meal that they prefer anyway, especially if you are just as happy with a salad yourself. Cook up a bunch of chicken breasts on one night, and happily eat that all week.
Let Things Go
On that note, what can you let go? Seriously. I know you're thinking "nothing, for real, that's why I'm overwhelmed lady!", but be flexible with yourself. The list of things that I do NOT do is so much longer than things I get done. Intentionally. (Come back on Friday for an update of this post).
This is a stupid example, but I grew up never eating off a paper plate, ever. Not even once. Never at my parents' parties, bbqs, picnics. Never. So it didn't occur to me in a house with 7 people that it might save me some time to use disposable plates. And then when it did occur to me, I was horrified by the idea because it seemed wasteful, I had my mother's voice in my head, etc. DUMB. Let it all go! Your sanity is not less important than the cranky voice of judgment that lives in your head.
What else can you give up? Baths every night for babies, that's what. You have my pediatricians' permission (every doctor I've ever had has suggested this). It is bad for their skin. Twice a week in the winter, at max. There's an hour per week saved, at least.
You know what else? Toddler extracurricular activities. Yes, seriously. Here's a secret: I drove myself absolutely nuts making sure that my oldest daughter had fun dance classes and story hour and activities when she was three and four. I sat in the lobby for an hour every time, with another toddler, and infant, and morning sickness. It felt HARD. She enjoyed those activities very much. But you know what? She doesn't remember a stinking thing about it. At all. She is (almost) eleven, and she can't remember even having a dance class. If you are going crazy, if you are exhausted, if you are barely holding it together, DON'T GO. YOU ARE THE MAMA. Nothing bad will happen. I promise. (Well, that is a lie. The three year old-especially an oldest child-will throw a fit about missing a class, but she will be quickly distracted with a yay!-picnic-dinner idea).
Corralling all five kids at church by yourself makes you stabby? Buh-bye sanctuary! See ya in a few months! Get your Jesus at home with awesome online sermons, guilt-free. STOP DOING EVERYTHING. I know we all have this picture in our minds of our ideal selves, working at full capacity, being amazing. I believe in my heart that you were created to be amazing. But you don't need to do every single flipping thing, especially in times of survival mode.
How about this? Stop folding laundry. Folding and putting away laundry is among the most Sisyphean things we do, right? So stop. Clean laundry in one basket, dirty in the other. Easy. Every morning, pick you clean laundry from the basket, instead of a drawer. (Half of you are like "duh", and the other half are horrified by this idea. I'll let you guess how I grew up).
This is a stupid example, but I grew up never eating off a paper plate, ever. Not even once. Never at my parents' parties, bbqs, picnics. Never. So it didn't occur to me in a house with 7 people that it might save me some time to use disposable plates. And then when it did occur to me, I was horrified by the idea because it seemed wasteful, I had my mother's voice in my head, etc. DUMB. Let it all go! Your sanity is not less important than the cranky voice of judgment that lives in your head.
What else can you give up? Baths every night for babies, that's what. You have my pediatricians' permission (every doctor I've ever had has suggested this). It is bad for their skin. Twice a week in the winter, at max. There's an hour per week saved, at least.
You know what else? Toddler extracurricular activities. Yes, seriously. Here's a secret: I drove myself absolutely nuts making sure that my oldest daughter had fun dance classes and story hour and activities when she was three and four. I sat in the lobby for an hour every time, with another toddler, and infant, and morning sickness. It felt HARD. She enjoyed those activities very much. But you know what? She doesn't remember a stinking thing about it. At all. She is (almost) eleven, and she can't remember even having a dance class. If you are going crazy, if you are exhausted, if you are barely holding it together, DON'T GO. YOU ARE THE MAMA. Nothing bad will happen. I promise. (Well, that is a lie. The three year old-especially an oldest child-will throw a fit about missing a class, but she will be quickly distracted with a yay!-picnic-dinner idea).
Corralling all five kids at church by yourself makes you stabby? Buh-bye sanctuary! See ya in a few months! Get your Jesus at home with awesome online sermons, guilt-free. STOP DOING EVERYTHING. I know we all have this picture in our minds of our ideal selves, working at full capacity, being amazing. I believe in my heart that you were created to be amazing. But you don't need to do every single flipping thing, especially in times of survival mode.
How about this? Stop folding laundry. Folding and putting away laundry is among the most Sisyphean things we do, right? So stop. Clean laundry in one basket, dirty in the other. Easy. Every morning, pick you clean laundry from the basket, instead of a drawer. (Half of you are like "duh", and the other half are horrified by this idea. I'll let you guess how I grew up).
Get Help and Delegate
Let's talk about how you can get help with things that do need to be done. Many of you who read here are married with children. If that is you, your spouse can be your #1 support. Even if they travel for work frequently, there are always things they can do to make your day easier. Brainstorm together: what can they take off your plate? Someone who is traveling may be able to make those nagging phone calls for you, like to the insurance agent or water company (heck, it's quieter at an airport gate than at my house most days. Why not?!) Maybe they can help you automate the bills, so that you don't need to think about them.
If they are not traveling, now is the time to figure out a new way to delegate the work. When you are drowning, for whatever reason, they should be a key player in your family's upkeep. (New things my husband does that he didn't always: unload dishwasher, wash random extra dishes in the morning, carry laundry, make breakfast for the kids, pack lunches on homeschool coop days, occasionally take a kid to a doctor's appointment, take toddlers and preschoolers to work with him in the tractor when I have an event for the older kids...hold on, I know there's more....) In any case, your spouse may recognize that you are overwhelmed, but not the need to step up their help, so consider having a calm conversation about your needs. (I mentally call these little talks "state of the union" conversations, because they are useful to have at least once a year).
How else can you get help? Maybe you have older kids who could be pitching in more. Maybe you have family who lives close by and could be a real support. I know several families whose mama or MIL takes the kids for a set period every week. If that would be helpful to you, ASK! What about friends or your church family? Is there a way you could exchange work or take turns with kiddos in some way that would give you breathing room? Be creative. I know people who do a "friends' summer camp". Every Friday during the summer, they take turns having all the kids at their house all day, but then they get the next three Fridays off, while their kids are at another family's turn for camp.
If you are covered in tiny babies and you just can't see giving them to other people for any period of time (I've been there), what else can you delegate? Look for something that doesn't need YOU, just an adult to do it. Being a mama? Only you can do that. Nursing a baby? You again. Housework? Anyone with a pulse.
I know a few people whose mama folds their laundry. If that option is available to you, take it! If not (right here!), can you hire help? I know sometimes it seems uncomfortable to pay someone to do housework, but that has been a lifesaver for our family for the last six or so years. This was essential to me during all my pregnancies especially, when I just could NOT deal with being sick, and staring at a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned properly in months. I have a sweet lady, Danielle, (who has become a friend) who cleans my house once a week, and I just recently began to give her hours folding and putting away our laundry as well.
What about meals? I have a friend who just started a business selling her homemade bread. I love baking bread, but my kids eat it way too quickly for me to keep up, and it had fallen off my plate of priorities in the last two years since beginning my own business. Still, it bugged me to buy less-healthy bread at the store. Now I have the win-win of supporting another mama in making a little income, and my kids being fed nutritious homemade bread that I am not having to find time to bake. You could use more frozen meals. You could pay a teenager to take care of the yard. If money can solve a problem for you, DO IT. I would give up most everything before I gave up my Danielle, because it is such a blessing to me to KNOW that something will be done properly without me doing it. Really think through what you can delegate.
Find the Fun
Finally, do whatever you can to find the fun in small ways. You may feel stuck right now, but you can still improve your day little by little. Have your go-to motivation song ready on your phone every morning. Buy yourself a decent bottle of wine on Friday nights. Instead of crying in the kitchen when you are losing your mind, turn the music up loud and have a dance party with your kids. (This will freak them out at first, but they quickly start to love it). Always have something to look forward to-manufacture it if you have to. Buy yourself a new audio book for the car. Reward yourself whenever you can. But above all, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. No guilt allowed. You are doing the best you can. GRACE GRACE GRACE. When you can do more, you will do more. For now, hang on tight. As a mama to a lot of babies in a short period of time, I promise you seasons pass quickly. Five years will fly by without you really noticing, and you will look up and realize that it has gotten easier.
"Courage, dear heart."
-C.S. Lewis
What are your best survival tips?
What keeps you going when things feel crazy?
Friday, April 29, 2016
Two-Faced: An Arbonne VP Test Drives Designer Foundations
You guys know I always give it to you straight. So I have a confession.....
*whispers*......despite being an Arbonne Vice President, I am also a Sephora VIB* (pauses for gasps). I believe in my heart that Arbonne has the best products in the world, but sometimes a girl needs to pick up a few other things elsewhere. This is newsworthy, I know. Not. But that does mean that Sephora is always offering me tons of free products, even full-size, to try. Lately they must have caught on that I never buy foundation from them anymore, because they have been pushing foundation options on me like crazy. Since it is free, I took them up on it so I could run a quick makeup trial for you guys. I am all about market research.
You guys....the fact that I am even posting these is how you know I am all in for you. Selfies, even for a purpose, are not my favorite :) Let's just say I don't suggest taking pictures of your face after a long day at home with kiddos!
Here are three reviews of recent foundation samples. I applied two of the foundations the same way, for fairness-no primer (although to be honest, two of the three of these suggested a primer in the instructions), and with my foundation brush, and the last (Clinique) with fingers because of the nature of the product.
First up, I tried Marc Jacobs Re(marc)able Full Coverage Foundation. As the name suggests, it is full coverage....as in, very, very full coverage. Like a mask almost. The instructions suggest starting with one dot to cover your whole face, with up to three dots for more coverage. Now I love good coverage in a foundation, but frankly, I couldn't have taken any more coverage than one dot gave me. It was very difficult to get that one dot blended in properly and spread far enough to be even on my entire face. The product literature tells us that they took the water out of the formulation, which is what may be contributing to its fast drying time. It also sank into my pores so badly after a few hours that I had foundation dots on every pore-up close. I looked like pop art. Not cute. That being said, it wore very well.
Coverage: very full. You can see how masklike it is from the pictures
Tests on animals: No
Uses animal products: Yes
Paraben-free: Yes
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: I couldn't find a clear answer to this, but Marc Jacobs Beauty does have ingredient lists on the website, which I appreciate
Price: $55 for .75oz
The second foundation I tested was Urban Decay's Naked Skin Weightless Ultra Definition Liquid Makeup. I had high hopes for this one, because I find UD's products to be very high quality, in general. In the past, I have enjoyed their Naked Palettes, and their eye shadow primer. Just like above, the name suggests the coverage level you will get this foundation. The literature claims this coverage is buildable, but I found it to be very light. I loved how it applied very smoothly, and it felt great on. However, three hours later, it looked like I had never applied makeup at all. I did indeed look like I had naked skin, so this one would be a no-go for me. Those of you who like just a little bit of coverage would probably appreciate this one more.
Coverage: very light to buildable
Tests on animals: No
Uses animal products: No
Paraben-free: Yes
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: No, or at least not listed under the brand's commitment page
Price: $40 for 1 oz
Coverage: buildable
Tests on animals: Clinique claims only where required by law. PETA says yes they do.
Uses animal products: yes
Paraben-free: Clinique does not share ingredient lists, but my research made it look like yes, at least most of the brand is paraben-free
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: I could find very little information on ingredients because Clinique does not publicly share them, but EWG rates the brand as a whole from 2-6, which is low-moderate for toxins.
Price: $24 for .21oz (always check the amount of product you are getting! Unless it is specifically marketed as being concentrated, sometimes a product looks inexpensive because you are just plain getting less. For example, if you got the same size of this as the UD Foundation above, it would actually cost about $100)
*So what do I still buy from Sephora? Living Proof hair care that Arbonne doesn't offer (dry shampoo, texture spray, hair primer), fragrance, professional grade beauty tools (curling irons, hair dryers, Beauty Blenders, etc), and occasional makeup options to test drive. Because I can't help myself.
There you have it! My not-so-secret Sephora addiction revealed. Phew. I feel better.
Hope these pictures help you in your quest for the perfect foundation!
*whispers*......despite being an Arbonne Vice President, I am also a Sephora VIB* (pauses for gasps). I believe in my heart that Arbonne has the best products in the world, but sometimes a girl needs to pick up a few other things elsewhere. This is newsworthy, I know. Not. But that does mean that Sephora is always offering me tons of free products, even full-size, to try. Lately they must have caught on that I never buy foundation from them anymore, because they have been pushing foundation options on me like crazy. Since it is free, I took them up on it so I could run a quick makeup trial for you guys. I am all about market research.
You guys....the fact that I am even posting these is how you know I am all in for you. Selfies, even for a purpose, are not my favorite :) Let's just say I don't suggest taking pictures of your face after a long day at home with kiddos!
Here are three reviews of recent foundation samples. I applied two of the foundations the same way, for fairness-no primer (although to be honest, two of the three of these suggested a primer in the instructions), and with my foundation brush, and the last (Clinique) with fingers because of the nature of the product.
First up, I tried Marc Jacobs Re(marc)able Full Coverage Foundation. As the name suggests, it is full coverage....as in, very, very full coverage. Like a mask almost. The instructions suggest starting with one dot to cover your whole face, with up to three dots for more coverage. Now I love good coverage in a foundation, but frankly, I couldn't have taken any more coverage than one dot gave me. It was very difficult to get that one dot blended in properly and spread far enough to be even on my entire face. The product literature tells us that they took the water out of the formulation, which is what may be contributing to its fast drying time. It also sank into my pores so badly after a few hours that I had foundation dots on every pore-up close. I looked like pop art. Not cute. That being said, it wore very well.
At application: After a few hours:
Tests on animals: No
Uses animal products: Yes
Paraben-free: Yes
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: I couldn't find a clear answer to this, but Marc Jacobs Beauty does have ingredient lists on the website, which I appreciate
Price: $55 for .75oz
The second foundation I tested was Urban Decay's Naked Skin Weightless Ultra Definition Liquid Makeup. I had high hopes for this one, because I find UD's products to be very high quality, in general. In the past, I have enjoyed their Naked Palettes, and their eye shadow primer. Just like above, the name suggests the coverage level you will get this foundation. The literature claims this coverage is buildable, but I found it to be very light. I loved how it applied very smoothly, and it felt great on. However, three hours later, it looked like I had never applied makeup at all. I did indeed look like I had naked skin, so this one would be a no-go for me. Those of you who like just a little bit of coverage would probably appreciate this one more.
At application: After a few hours:
Coverage: very light to buildable
Tests on animals: No
Uses animal products: No
Paraben-free: Yes
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: No, or at least not listed under the brand's commitment page
Price: $40 for 1 oz
In this same shipment, Sephora also sent me a full-size Clinique Chubby Foundation Stick. Here's what I loved about it: super easy to apply directly from the stick, and blends nicely. The stick formula of the foundation makes it super portable. I think this would be great to keep in your bag as a touch-up for your foundation. Here's what I didn't love: although the stick has buildable coverage, when you do build more coverage, it starts to look a little heavy and sink into your pores a bit. I also don't love the way it feels waxy on my skin. In pictures, I can see that it didn't blend as well as I thought. It seems a little splotchy in places. The wear was also a little bit disappointing-it looked worn off and shiny after a few hours. Still, not a bad option to keep in your purse or gym bag, if you aren't concerned over the ingredients (see below):
At application: After a few hours:
Coverage: buildable
Tests on animals: Clinique claims only where required by law. PETA says yes they do.
Uses animal products: yes
Paraben-free: Clinique does not share ingredient lists, but my research made it look like yes, at least most of the brand is paraben-free
Gluten-free: No
Follows EU standards: I could find very little information on ingredients because Clinique does not publicly share them, but EWG rates the brand as a whole from 2-6, which is low-moderate for toxins.
Price: $24 for .21oz (always check the amount of product you are getting! Unless it is specifically marketed as being concentrated, sometimes a product looks inexpensive because you are just plain getting less. For example, if you got the same size of this as the UD Foundation above, it would actually cost about $100)
*So what do I still buy from Sephora? Living Proof hair care that Arbonne doesn't offer (dry shampoo, texture spray, hair primer), fragrance, professional grade beauty tools (curling irons, hair dryers, Beauty Blenders, etc), and occasional makeup options to test drive. Because I can't help myself.
There you have it! My not-so-secret Sephora addiction revealed. Phew. I feel better.
Hope these pictures help you in your quest for the perfect foundation!
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